As you may know, my mother had been sick for a very long time. She had COPD and emphysema and suffered with all of the issues that these diseases entail. My sister and I watched for years as her health deteriorated. There were numerous trips to the emergency room, surgeries and more hospital stays than I would like to count. This time last year she was admitted into the hospital to treat her lung issues. She was there for several weeks before being transferred to a restorative care facility and then to a hospice house. Weeks later, we brought her home to live at my house. To be painfully honest, those were some of the hardest days of my life. I was caring for her as well as anticipating the arrival of our new 12 year old from China.
Fast foward several months:
Mother came down with bronchitis and just coyldn't shake it. She was readmitted into the Hospice House on December 15th and then the Lord, in all of His grace and mercy, relieved her from all of her pain on December 30th.
In one way, it was a very hard Christmas, one that I would not want to relive. But God's hand was all over this sad situation. He mercifully encouraged me to get all of my Christmas shopping done early. Why am I trying to make it so pleasant? He lit the fire under my rear end, made me prioritize and forced me to let go of trying to do too much (which I always do).
Now that I am on the other side of that storm, I can see His work so much more clearly. As I sat with my mother day after day, talking to her, praying with her, reading scripture and listening to her favorite Christmas hymns, I realized that God was showing up in a big way. The truth is that He's always there, but so often I am so busy I (especially at Christmas-time), that I don't see Him very clearly.
Mother helped us plan her funeral. She said she wanted it to be Joyful! not a typical funeral. Joseph, her minister, said that the Easter liturgy was the most joyful service of the whole year (she was Episcopalian). So that's what we did. She even helped me choose the music. She couldn't talk at that point, but I told her to squeeze my hand when I mentioned a hymn that she liked. Later, when I gave the list to the organist, he came to one song and said, "Sissy, that one is not joyful. I don't think that was a squeeze, it was just a twitch!" He knew Mother very well and I am so thanful that he, (Gary McCraw) and Al Jeter, two of her most favorite musicians, were able to be a part of her special day.
At the time, I was reading a book called The Art of Dying. I know, it sounds morbid, but it was very insightful. It talked about how God's presence is so much stronger as He begins to bring a person home. The angels were in that room, with me, my sister, my uncle, Miss Mittie and all of the sweet visitors who came to see her. Every time someone walked in she would come out of what I would call a semi-comatose state, throw back the covers and try to get out of the bed (which she hadn't done in days) to show them all of the scars on her legs (due to surgeries for COPD related vascular issues). Bless her heart, she was so proud of those scars...that prove that God was with her all the while.
Anyway...
God was really in that room and as I sat there I felt as if I was sitting at the feet of Jesus, feeling the strength of His mighty hand draw Mother home and me closer to Him. I was able to let go of all of the "busy-ness" that I would normally have been doing at that time of year and just sit with Him and soak up all of the love and comfort that He was offering.
I am so thankful that in the days following we are surrounded by all of you who love my mother, my sister and I so very much.
God has a set of scales and when the trials on one side are very heavy, He fills the other side with all of the comfort and grace needed to get us through.
His love is overflowing and everlasting!
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