The whole "bringing our new daughter home and transitioning" phase has been full of wonderful and yet very challenging experiences. During the past couple of months God has taught me that it is only in my weakness that His strength can shine through. And I have been so very weak, I have laughed, I have cried, I have been on my knees and even flat down on my face as I am letting go of control in raising children. Paul and I have been blessed with having two great, albeit not perfect, biological children. The challenges we face with Hannah are God's way of saying, "Hold on a minute, Sissy, things didn't work out well because of anything you are doing (besides pray), but because of all that I AM doing.
Hannah has so many beautiful qualities. She is affectionate, she is generous, she is honest, she is a hard worker and God has given her a teachable spirit.
At the same time we are enjoying these virtues, we are also experiencing her strong-willed need to be in control. She sees me as having so much control in the household so I must be the one that she has to conquer. She tries to conquer me physically; although sometimes it's done in a way that may be perceived as affection, for her it is a battle to be won. She will run up to me and jump on me as if hugging me, but with her legs wrapped around my legs. She only weighs 15 lbs. less than me and, to be honest, it hurts! When I tried to teach her not to do that she changed tactics; she then just wrapped her arms around me, hooked one leg around my leg and "constricted" in a way that ould make me buckle in order to "take me down". After lots of explaining, I started to just sort of go limp and let her fall. I know it sounds horrible, but she never hit the ground and it did happen sort of in slow motion. Well, the way she saw it, she won! So now I have to strongly take her by the forearms and pull her away from me. I have someone who is able to explain to her in Chinese that hugs should feel good and that her tactics are innappropriate...and she is learning. I also make sure there is lots of time when she is not in battle mode when I approach her for lots of hugs and cuddle-time.
She is going to school for four hours every morning now and that has been such a huge blessing. She is used to WORK and school is satisfying that craving in her soul and I suppose it makes her feel worthy. Believe me, we will be teaching her where her worth lies.
Bedtime is wonderful...I've even started getting her to bed sooner so we can have lots of time snuggling, reading, talking (it's hard to explain how we do that, but we do). While I read the Bible, she wants her head on my chest or my abdomen, I guess it is comforting. Sort of like a baby needing to hear Mama's heartbeat, she never had that, so I have to fill her "Love-Bucket" in ways like this.
As I said before the big picture is that she is transitioning really well...and we are so thankful.
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